well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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