K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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