the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
