and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
