please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
