Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize