I need help removing her.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
