Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
