I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
