It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
