I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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