White coat. Heels.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
