like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
