She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
