you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
