will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
