i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
