Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize