I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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