I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
