arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
