I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
