thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
