how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
