i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
