you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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