shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
