fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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