No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
