Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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