I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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