She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
