he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
