When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
