Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
