is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
