You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
