she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
