U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
