He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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