the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
