There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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