Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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