Whod you bang
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
