I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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