So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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