I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
