I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
