My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
