I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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