HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
