this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
