eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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