fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
whose ass print is on the piano?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
