There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
