My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize