Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
