My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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