i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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