well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
