You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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