I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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