i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
