She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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