you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
