I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
