Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
