first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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