I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
