I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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