You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
