it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
