bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize