she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize