im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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