you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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