the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
