I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
