but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize