Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
