Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
