I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
