Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
