Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
