Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
