I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
