I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
