i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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