I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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