Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
