remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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