no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
