apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
