I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
