Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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