My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found the puke drawer
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
